Travel Day

Today my hermana flies from SLC to IAH. 
Today I received the kindness of astranger.  The kindness was to let my daughter use her phone to call and talk to me for about 45 minutes. (Ok, so 10 of those minutes were used up on my husband, and her older sister. LOL, but I'M CLAIMING THOSE MINUTES!!!!)  Then I recieved a picture of my daughter!!  I loved it!  I sent the lady a text message that said thank you for letting her use her phone to call; she thanked me for raising her.  OH MY MOMMA HEART IS FULL!!!!

Stephanie told me her first ward assignment is ...crap I can't remember. Lockwood?  I know she said 3rd ward Spanish speaking, but I think that was the right name.  I guess I could go on LDS.org and find out if that is even a ward in the Houston area. LOL
I'm so giddy right now.
Anywho, she told me the only reason she knows about her ward assignment is that she got an e-mail saying that the missionaries assigned to that ward have had their passwords changed.

Ok, OK.....I'm going to have to go and get my head ready  for class. 
Lets see if I can put my head into this game and concentrate on something other than I was able to talk to my hermana today! :D

Homework sucks.

Go get your bachelors degree.  It'll be great they said.  All it is is a bunch of papers.  I call BS.  Full on BS.  It's not just papers.  I can handle papers.  I'm GREAT at papers.  No, it's research.  Lots and lots of stupid research.  I mean, like....learning how to look up different terms, and what shortcuts to put next to the word so it looks exactly where you want it to look for that word, and not another word.  Confusing?  Yeah, it is to me too.

I do not want to do research.
I don't like doing this kind of research.
I don't know how many different "alternative terms" there are for Bedside Registered Nurses. 
For the love of the profession!!!  I seriously do not like this crap.

Now, pathophysiology?  Holy cow I love that class!  I love learning about the body, and how things work inside of it.  How the inflammatory response triggers SIRS, and how when that is left unchecked it can turn into Sepsis; and how this all boils down to damage on the cellular level, and getting back to taking care of the smallest parts of ourselves.  THAT is what I like to learn about!

NOT evidence based research searching guidelines.

And don't even get me started on how far behind I am on Spanish.  Why did I think I could handle taking 5 classes this semester?  I mean, it's only 3 at a time (Spanish is a full semester, and the nursing classes are 2 at a time for 8  weeks at a time) but still...

Thank You God for the gift of a loving and supportive family.  Without them, I would be nothing.


Ok, back to learning about boolean whatever they're called.

I'm 'ok'

I've been putting off this post for a while, because it's not an easy thing to admit to.
Admitting things to hubby is normally easy, but even this I sent as a text message.  I'm depressed.  So many things happened at once, and I couldn't handle it . Me. Mrs I can handle anything.
 I. Couldn't. Handle it.
So, while I was texting my husband about how I felt, and praying about what I should do, the phone rang, and it was the doctors office telling me it was time to make my appointment.  Ok, point taken.  I called and made an appointment.

Best decision I've made in a long time.

The first day after starting medication I rolled over, looked at Imzadi and said (actually I whined) "This is suppose to make me feel better." He told me I know better, that it doesn't work that fast.
I told him I know, but still...I wasn't a nurse at that point, I was a patient.
The next day I had to work, and I was "ok"  Literally that.  "ok"  I was able to go to work, and function.  Quite a different feeling than the last time I had gone.  I had a meltdown and cried at work the time before that.  The only reason I stayed and didn't walk out?  I didn't want to lose my license.  I at least still had the mind to think ahead and know that losing my license would detriment my family's life. I could not make them suffer on account of me not being to handle life.
The next few days I found myself getting better and better. 

A week later, I noticed at my daugher's volleyball game, I felt joy.  I got excited.  I'm feeling like I did before.  I hope this lasts.  I don't think I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, but I'm glad that I made the decision to RIGHT NOW take back my life and start feeling human again.