The Good, the Bad, and the Down-Right Ucky...

So, first we'll start with the good.  Friday I took the dreaded NCLEX.  It shut off at 75 questions.  UGH, talk about thinking you failed.  I thought for sure, how could I be one of the people who actually passed their nursing boards with the minimum amount of questions?  I was pretty sure I had joined the "FAILED in 75 questions club".  However, I was wrong in my worry, and I totally PASSED!  I'm so happy I could scream! I cried.  I cried a lot.  I cried on my husbands chest, and I cried into his shoulder.  I cried tears of happiness about passing.  I cried tears of exaltation about never having to work as a CNA again unless I wanted too.  I cried to my Mom, and my Step-mom.  I cried so many flippin' happy tears that I think I ran dry.  It was a great day!  We had a celebration!  We went out to dinner at Longhorn.  It was so yummy and delicious.

Then the next day happened.

I woke up all kinds of happy.  I am now a Registered Nurse.  I have finished my schooling and proved that I can function at the minimum level required by the State of Florida.  YES!  I AM WOMAN!
(insert screeching tire noises here)
nope.
not happening.
Apparently corporate has to "change a few things" and blah blah blah which could take up to 2 weeks.  That's right.  TWO WEEKS.  I am livid.  I am beyond livid.  I have officially seen red.  I left work very unhappy and came home.  I cried in my husbands arms again.
To make matters worse, I had a dr's appointment that morning, and cleaned out the receipts in my purse.  I forgot that I had a $10 bill wrapped up in one of them.  So, on top  of feeling crappy about work, I literally threw away ten dollars.

Then I got to go to work.
As an aide.

Coming into work was bitter sweet.  The overnight nurse was clapping and saying "Congratulations!!!!" and all I could do was give her a look and said "no".  She said "No, really congratulations! You did it!"  So, I explained my story.  Since I was in such a foul mood, I came to work at the normal time, (I am usually early) so every aide for 7-3 was there, along with the aides for 11-7  EVERY one of them stopped to listen to my very, well, uh shall we say colorful description of what happened, and how I felt about it.  I told all the aides there, that under no certain terms was I doing ANYTHING extra.  I am here to do my job, and I am going to do "my job" and go home.  I was not a very good person to be around today.  Seriously, I didn't much like myself.  So, I had to change my attitude.  Maybe I'm in need of a big piece of humble pie? Maybe I'm too cocky in my new found nurseness?  Maybe, just maybe this is Karma for something.  Maybe I need to just go with the flow
I've accepted my fate for the next two weeks.  I'm not happy about it, just accepted it.  I will go in, and perform my duties to the best of my ability.  I will be happy when corporate makes up their mind to let me push a cart.
Until then...I will breath.
And restrain my mouth and opinions.

Twas the Night Before NCLEX

Twas the night before NCLEX when all through the house tensions were stirring as my anxiety aroused.  Chores to be done before going to bed, trying avoid the houses sense of dread.

The children completing their chores all at one time, while I try to contain the anxiety that's all mine. With D.T. on the tablet and Me on the phone, the kids seemed to have no supervision at all.  When out from the living room arose such a noise I ran from the room thinking "Are you sure they're not boys?" Away to the door I flew like a flash, I opened the door just to hear something crash.

The light of the living room so dull and low, gave a glow to all in it like ghosts of old. And what do my wandering eyes see? 2 little children smiling at me.   I knew in a moment I wouldn't be surprised to hear my sweet children say "dunno".

Rapid I barked out orders from my throat. Quickly I yelled and blurted kinda like a goat.  Now Pony go shower cause you really stink.  Brina stop reading that stupid thing.  Irene what are you doing? It's not time for bed. Missy what is that crap on your head? 

As quick as I barked the children went silent.  Now I thought I can read about psych...it's not really studying you see, but how to answer questions that always fooled me.

A question that has 4 answers that are all right. But only one that is the MOST right.  Is it airway or breathing, WAIT isn't that the same? Nope it's not, at least not in thd nursing game.

The stem of this problem is hidden so well, do I take the patients temp, or cut off his ear?  Oh how do I know which answer to pick?  I'm not a doctor, maybe that will be the trick?  How do I know which right answer to pick?  OMGosh the needle is how thick?

With the book in my hand and words swirling in my head, I knew at this moment I'd almost rather be dead.  So I sit and I listen and think to myself; "where are my children? Its awful quiet in here."

I found them all in there rooms being good.  Looks like threatening them worked really good. 

The final countdown... again

So the NCLEX is 2 days away, actually it's less than that and what am I doing?  Watching T.V., cooking dinner, going to Wal-Mart, starting a baby blanket for a friend.  You know, the typical avoidance crap. Sure I feel the need to study, and want to pass but if I give in to my freaking out what will become of it?
Probably a really good study session. LOL.

However it felt good sleeping in until after 10, and watching 3 episodes of "Fringe".  But now that the house is quiet I can hear my NCLEX book calling name, my Kaplan account stomping its feet in a tantrum,  and most of all my test anxiety is screaming "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR ATT IS????" 
Ahhh the thoughts of a crazy Amber.  Sometimes enjoying the silence causes me more craziness.
Tonight is Church for the girls.  I'll study then.  I did last week and it was pretty fruitful.
So, less than 48°  (That's an hour sign, not degrees) until I start my NCLEX. 

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

I'm excited and scared!!!