MISSY'S HOME!!!! Day one...

and what is she doing?
Sleeping.  In her own bed.
She hasn't slept in her own bed since the end of May.  I'm pretty sure she's happy about it.
It's good to have her home.  I don't really wanna send her back to Oklahoma.  I know she's needed, and that's pretty much the only reason I'm sharing her; but I really don't want her to leave again.

The plans for today are (tentatively) go to the college and get everything cleared up so she can enroll in online classes for the first semester.  She's only home for a week, but we wanna get everything done that we can, and still have time to relax.

So, here's to the day!  MY MISSY'S AWAKE!!!
:-)

Day 2 of the adventures with Missy

That sounds so, adventurous.
Missy is home from Oklahoma, not where the wind goes sweeping down the plains, or whipping through the wheat, or anything like that. Home from Oklahoma where everyone dresses like they are going to "the Wal-marts".
I've never been there, so all I have to go on is the input of a judgemental 18 year old.  That is how she explained it to me, so that is where she is visiting from.

We really haven't done much of anything today, sat around, watching Ice Lake Rebels.  Talking about how every man should love his woman like Stephan loves Allyce.  Seriously. I've seen this meme:

I thought how awesome is that.  Now, not so much.  I don't want Gomez and Morticia any more, I want freakin' Stephan and Allyce!

So, moving on...Took Stephanie to Noah's so he could take her to seminary, took the younger 2 to school so they could, well, go learn something.  I started dinner (Missy's favorite-bean soup), and made breakfast (homemade hashbrowns).

We've watched TV, listened to music on YouTube, danced with the dog, and had a wonderful grand old time.

Then, Bill got up and the two of them began their "OMGosh, remember this song?" and "OMGosh, do you know this song?" so I moved on to things that I needed to do.  You know, because real life sucks and you actually have to do things to keep moving forward.
First of all, I loaded up my WOW launcher because, well, today is patch day-duh! (Ok, truth-hubby reminded me it was patch day and he wanted to know if the servers were up yet.)
Secondly, I started looking up schools to continue my education to get my BSN.  Why do some schools make it so difficult to find anything on their websites?  One college I looked at had their advising hours so buried that by the time I found it, I was pretty much ready to not to go school there; even though they have exactly what I'm looking for in my nursing career.  In order to advance my career I need a BSN, and in order to get that I need to go back to school.  It kinda ticks me off that schools know this, and some make it almost impossible to get there.  When I finally make a decision, and decide what school I want to go to, I wonder if I'm actually going to be able to GET into a school.
Ultimately I would love to get my DNP, but I have to start off small, little by little chewing away at the degrees one at a time.  Unless I win the school/university lottery and get into the RN-MSN program at USF.  DUDE! I would absolutely love to get into that program.  It's competitive, and I'm not sure I have the grades required.  However, I won't know unless I try right?

So, yesterday I went with Missy to get all her college stuff straightened out.  Tomorrow?  She's going with me to an information session!!

Please don't fall over dead...

I know!  How many posts can Amber post in two days?  I don't know either, but seriously, what is going on!

I've spent more time on the computer today than I have in a long time.  I went through some pictures, deleted the QUADRUPLE copies of some things, and made some room on my "cloud" storage so that ultimately we can get my computer reformatted.  I know, I know, man of my dreams thinks it's a pipe dream too, but seriously, I'm trying.  I have a LOT of pictures, and by a lot of pictures I mean HOLY CRAP WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL YOUR DISK SPACE IS USED UP! lots of pictures.  I want to put them on a seperate independent disk drive, that way I can keep the space open for important things, like...WOW, and maybe Guild Wars (Have a friend who says I totally need to try it), and maybe even Diablo III (which Hubby keeps trying to get me to play with him).  You know, IMPORTANT things.

Ok, so back to sitting here all day.  I got sucked into watching a 50 minute documentary after clicking on a link, and then clicking on an other link, and then another. It was a really good one too, so good that I was like "Crap, it's over?"

So, why am I blogging? Why would I take it to the interwebz?  Because, it just seemed appropriate.  Waste time on the interweb, post about on the interwebz.

So, back to what I was thinking about while going through pictures.  I take SOOO many pictures. I know I do, Hubby lovingly calls me a picture whore.  (it IS lovingly right? RIGHT?)  Looking through pictures from almost 10 years ago I realize how bad it is.  I'll take a few pictures of the same thing and the only thing that's different is that the wind has changed direction, and now that one leaf way up in the corner has moved. ever. so. slightly.  But then I see how the kids use to be, all sweet and innocent.

I know, it's a Christmas picture, it's October....get over it.

And stuff like this one.  The Christmas picture was taken while I was pregnant with our youngest daughter, and this is a picture of our 3rd daughter and my 9 month pregnant belly.

Looking back through pictures can be a bit humbling for me too, looking at where I had been, compared to where we are.  Looking at things in the background that at the time were just part of normalcy, now tell the story of my 20's.  (I could probably write a book about my 20's.  It's got some Jerry Springer moments that's for sure.)  Like the time my oldest daughter and her friend dressed up like "The girl from Joe Dirt".  (no, you will NOT see that picture no matter how funny it was/is/use to be)  Or, when they (My oldest and her friend) decided to get into the friends grandfathers adult diapers and put them on (over their clothes mind you).  It's great fun most of the time, but sometimes, the memories bring back a lot of head shaking and WTHeck was I thinking moments.
All moments that bring me to where I am today.  Where I have 4 beautiful girls, and the man of my dreams.

It's an old picture, and I'm thinking it's time to get a new picture of all 4 of the girls.  I can't even find the yearly Christmas picture I take!  What is happening here!  Hubby is going to take away my status!
Off to take more pictures!

Somewhere over the poop stained tapestry of life, black birds fly

No rainbows and blue birds, because that would hint towards perfection.  I don't really want perfection, I want this.  I want life.  I love my life as a mother to 4 beautiful girls, and wife to the man of my dreams.  Seriously, this IS the freakin' life!

However...when the blue birds of someone else's life poop on my head I get a little dreary of the black birds. (Red winged black birds of course :-D )  I see what others have that I strive for, only to realize that I have not tried hard enough.  If I actually sit and think about it, do I really want change? or do I just wanna complain about the situation?

Why so cryptic?  WTHeck am I talking about?   Two little letters....RN.

These two little letters have been the best and worst thing to happen to me this year.  SERIOUSLY!

I was so excited to have gotten my RN license.  I had finally achieved what I set out to do 18 years ago.  With the unfailing love and support of my best man I would have never made it. 

I got a job with the company that I have been with for 7 years.  That's awesome!  I have a good paying job, at a place I already know.  I have the experience countdown running! WOOT!!!!   

WRONG  

Because I have a job as an RN, I am disqualified from most "graduate nurse" or "new nurse" internships.  Right now I'm sitting at 5 months experience as an RN, which puts me one month away from "graduate" status according to another internship, but by the time the internship starts, I'll have 7 months of experience.  

I've felt such a mix of emotions since getting my RN.  I'm crazy angry, and crazy jealous, and elated when I can actually use my knowledge.
I'm stuck in this stupid night shift cycle.  I'm stuck....

I've been back to this entry several times.  It has taken me a long time to finish it, and the ONLY reason I'm finishing it is because the more I type, the more angry I get.
I don't want to be angry.  I don't want to be so disgusted with my degree that I end up being one of the many who don't make it 7 years.

I need to change my mentality.  Change my point of view.  

Job Hunting

The most horrific thing about job hunting (for me) is a resume.

   A PROFESSIONAL RESUME 

Seriously, it's like a whole new world.  As a CNA, I didn't really need much of a resume, just something that said "Hey! I've had so many years of experience and yes I finished high school."  Now that I have to do one on a professional level, it's like it's own job.  Wording, and placement, and cover pages.
COVER PAGES....
Now make each and every one of those jobs you want, a completely separate resume and cover page to show off what YOU PERSONALLY want to bring to the table at their company.  It's exhausting, and probably why I have not heard anything from any of the places I've applied for.  I can make a GREAT generic resume.  Seriously!  In my college learnin' class I was the bestest resume maker!  Now, here I am a professional, no longer a lay-worker, no longer a "Take a 6 week class and make less than the dude at McDonalds" worker.
I'm freaking out man...like, I'm tripping on acid and watching The Wall explode.

There are so many things I wish I knew before I got to this point in my "nursing career".  Things like: even though they say a new graduate is less than 6 months nursing experience, it really means we don't want you to know a single thing about working as an RN, because that will taint the perfect knowledge WE will give you, or RN means instant supervisor-new or not.
I know that there is a stigma attached to being a nursing home nurse.  I know that nursing home nurses think that hospital nurses are spoiled because they 'only' have 4-6 patients.  I also know that there is NO WAY to compare the two.  It is two completely different areas of nursing.  NO, I did not say levels, I said areas.  I do a lot of high acuity nursing where I work.  I've done low acuity nursing in the hospital.
The skills are the same, it's just how it's applied.  The 30 patients I take care of on a nightly basis, the 3 I took care of in the hospital; same assessments, same care, a lot more prioritization.  I've learned a lot, and I have aquired a lot of skills that were never touched on in nursing school.  I have had a number of wonderful nurses to draw from, and a number of horrid experiences to learn from.  All this coming together into a wonderful ball of nursing.
How exactly do I put this out there, into the universe, how much I've learned, how much I care, and how much more I want to see and do and learn!

I begin to search for jobs (or as they are called in this level "careers") I start to get discouraged because as soon as you click the apply for this job button it asks for a resume; and I remember that horribly disfigured creation I've tucked under the rug.
It's so bad, I've thought of paying someone to make me a resume.  SERIOUSLY!

So, here it is, me, putting it out into the universe that I need to get off my butt, and out of the pity party and make a resume.  Just one.  Then, maybe I can go from there.  After the resume, then maybe I can put together a cover page.