Somewhere over the poop stained tapestry of life, black birds fly

No rainbows and blue birds, because that would hint towards perfection.  I don't really want perfection, I want this.  I want life.  I love my life as a mother to 4 beautiful girls, and wife to the man of my dreams.  Seriously, this IS the freakin' life!

However...when the blue birds of someone else's life poop on my head I get a little dreary of the black birds. (Red winged black birds of course :-D )  I see what others have that I strive for, only to realize that I have not tried hard enough.  If I actually sit and think about it, do I really want change? or do I just wanna complain about the situation?

Why so cryptic?  WTHeck am I talking about?   Two little letters....RN.

These two little letters have been the best and worst thing to happen to me this year.  SERIOUSLY!

I was so excited to have gotten my RN license.  I had finally achieved what I set out to do 18 years ago.  With the unfailing love and support of my best man I would have never made it. 

I got a job with the company that I have been with for 7 years.  That's awesome!  I have a good paying job, at a place I already know.  I have the experience countdown running! WOOT!!!!   

WRONG  

Because I have a job as an RN, I am disqualified from most "graduate nurse" or "new nurse" internships.  Right now I'm sitting at 5 months experience as an RN, which puts me one month away from "graduate" status according to another internship, but by the time the internship starts, I'll have 7 months of experience.  

I've felt such a mix of emotions since getting my RN.  I'm crazy angry, and crazy jealous, and elated when I can actually use my knowledge.
I'm stuck in this stupid night shift cycle.  I'm stuck....

I've been back to this entry several times.  It has taken me a long time to finish it, and the ONLY reason I'm finishing it is because the more I type, the more angry I get.
I don't want to be angry.  I don't want to be so disgusted with my degree that I end up being one of the many who don't make it 7 years.

I need to change my mentality.  Change my point of view.