Explain

Maybe I should explain my /facepalm.

I'm anxiety ridden. I hate driving now, but still like to get out of the house. We JUST bought a van-and we don't know how well it would work to get thru 3 states. I want April to come down and visit, but with everything going on right now, I don't know if I could handle it.

I have work, and I have chiro appointments.
I have a lot of worry and anger about the accident. I don't want to think about it, but I find that there are times when I obsess about it. 2 feet I'd be injured...3 feet I'd be dead. I know it wasn't my time, and usually I'm the one who's all "It happened for a reason" and all that, but not this time. I just keep thinking "why me". What did I do? What reason? Our van was a good van. She was paid for. Now, I've missed 3 days of work, we've had to buy a new-to-us van, and now we're spending LOADS of money on gas to get me to and from appointments. I'm in a constant ache SOMEWHERE on my body at all times. I complain too much, and yet it doesn't seem like enough. It sucks.

So, now we don't have money to pay the rent this month, or the mortgage on the next place. I don't have money for the water bill deposit, and I don't have money for the electric deposit. I bought groceries this week, and I'll be able to pay the water and electric bill. I put gas in the car so I could get to work and my chiro appointments.

kids are complaining about being "bored" with Tv. Wait until they don't have cable at the new place. I'm not going to deal with it. They wanna complain about being "bored"....they'll see what's up. I'm over everything. I find myself more angry lately. Earlier I cried-for seemingly no reason. I sucked it up real quick and no one noticed, but still, this is how it's going. Anxiety attacks are mounting. I had a full fledged attack the other day. Chest pains, wanting to cry, then crying. eh...guess I'm just going to suck it up and deal with it. Even if I have PTSD or something like it-not like I can get help for it. We don't have insurance, cause they would bend me over and take out $250 a week. Talk about crazy. How would we live on that? It's hard enough to live on what I do make and bring home. So, we get screwed all around. Kids have medicaid...but the adults get screwed. They have down that I get child support...there's a funny joke right? Child support? What is that? I recieve child support-it's called 72 hours a week at Brandon Health and Rehabilitation Center. It's not just child support, it's spouse support, self support, cat support, house support, van support, geico support, TECO support, BOCC support, Brighthouse support. Yeah...I bust my butt to pay the bills.

My kids have just lost cable priveledges. I bust my butt (as I just said) to pay for cable, so they don't have to "be bored" and all I heard this morning was whining and complaining about how boring the shows are. Hmmm, remember 2 months ago when we didn't have cable? Wow, how ungrateful can you be? No more cable for them. The only cable TV in this house is in my room. I pay for it, I'm watching it. I'm done-I'm over it. I'm overly done. this is my /facepalm....this is why I can't get April-because I'm so stressed out. I don't need a break-I need a hug.