Gasparilla 5k

We did it.  Shelby and I walked/jogged the 5k.  We finished in 54:34.  Most awesomest thing ever.  Can't wait too do it again.

The big day

Today I picked up Shelby's and my bib number for the gasparilla 5k.
Downtown was horrible! Parking sucked, but we made it to the convention center in one piece!
Shelby's nerves are a little frazzled right now.  She has a slight tummy ache.  Me? I'm in parent mode trying not to freak out. I'm excited, scared, excited, ready, and excited! LOL. I'll be happy when it's over though.  Probably because it's the first, and hopefully not the last.  I like to run and hope Shelby continues to be my running partner.  (Maybe Bill will join us next time? Who knows. LOL)

NCLEX Bound

Well.  I signed up for my test finally.  2 weeks from friday is the big day.  Im totally scared and excited, but mostly excited.

Yay!!!!
Im so freaking happy!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm a nurse"

I said these words today.
After the incident, I felt the shakes so bad I couldn't think straight.  My mom says it's probably genetic. She calls it the "Ok, someone else is here to handle the crisis I can freak out now" shakes.

I took my oldest and my youngest to the State Fair today.  On our way out we stopped to get me a funnel cake (a must) and my oldest deep fried cookie dough.  (We both shared with the youngest because she couldn't make up her mind.)  While we were waiting, one of the girls ahead of us fell onto the ground.  I heard someone say "She's having a seizure".  I watched, I waited, and I realized people are unknowing of what to do.  Here I am surrounded by a bunch of kids yelling "Don't touch her" "Leave her alone" One person was actually smart enough to ask the trash collector if he had a way to get in touch with the higher ups at the fair so she can get assistance.  All this was in the course of about 30 seconds, maybe less.  It finally dawned on me: "OMGosh! I know what to do!"  I handed my stuff to my 8 year old and got down beside the girl to roll her over on her side when the teenage girls started yelling "LEAVE HER ALONE, LEAVE HER ALONE"  One boy then said "No, its her mom"  I said "No, I'm not her Mom, I'm a nurse."
I rolled the girl over and she popped up like nothing happened.  She seemed quite embarrassed, and I asked her if she was ok, and she said "Yeah it happens all the time".

So, I had to walk away, because I was feeling the "shakes" come on.    Sans goodies.

It was an awesome feeling to actually KNOW what to do, but at the same time, the 'after-math' of crisis mode sucked.

I took Shelby to make a dipped beeswax candle in Cracker Country.  Zsusanna got a huge piece of sugar cane.  I got rid of my shakes.

We went back to the goodie stand, got our fattening treats, and went home.

You Jelly? Totes

I am happy for them.  Really.  But watching the numbers count of my nursing school classmates who have taken the NCLEX and passed get higher makes me cry.  Yes, I cried happy tears for a few ( read=one) but when I see more and more people add up I cry because of what I have done to myself to ge me here.  Looking backwards past the struggle just get to get through nursing school, and into the mindset of an 18 year old teenager who never thought about the future, never thought anything she did would affect her life negatively down the road, I want to reach back in time and smack myself!
I want to grab myself by the shoulders and scream in my own face WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!!!!!  Don't do it. It's not worth it.  I could be an RN by now if that self-centered too big for her britches little girl had just gone home that night.
I can recall it.  I can see it.  I can feel the cold, the heavyness of my varsity jacket, the look on the cops face when i attempted to smart mouth him.  Hind sight is always 20/20, and in this case it certainly isn't getting blurrier.
I try to implore to my children that everything they do matters and will come back around to them eventually.  This took me 20 years but here I am.  Lying in bed crying because that little girl 20 years ago thought she was so cool. 
Tomorrow I get to go down and get fingerprinted.  Ironic, its 2 days shy of exactly 20 years after my arrest.

"Who wants to go shopping with me?"

Fateful last words of a semi-sane Amber this morning. Truthfully the girls who went with me really were quite awesome.  However they decided to wait until we got home to drive me crazy. 
Actually...it was after our last stop.  We were discussing dinner (our new thing is cooking hotdogs over a fire) when my 15 year old said "did you get the hot dogs?"
"CRAP!"
i hear snickering from the back of the van
"Shelby you didn't tell me I forgot hot dogs."
(Frantically she replies) "I didn't mark it off. You didnt tell me you forgot it. I didnt know"
"It's ok.  We'll figure it out"
(Once again from another kid all snarky and smart-like) "what are we supposed to cook over fire then?"
(Me) "I guess I'm making soup"

So we get home. Everyone pulls groceries in, and kids start pulling butter out of the box, asking to eat random things I bought at the store, and "forgetting" where things go and getting mad when I say "thats not where that goes"  I also love it when 2 hours later I find a bag of groceries NOT put away.  At least today its not perishable.
And every time I say "never again, what was i thinking?" Yet I always sau "Who wants to go to the store with me?"

Parenting sucks

Forget just parenting, it should be life.  Life really sucks.  Or maybe just being an adult?  No, being a responsible adult sucks.  Seriously...it really sucks.

We are having a small problem with one of our girls.  I met with the vice principal on Friday, we talked about moving her school schedule around (we have decided to co-enroll her in virtual school). When I got home and started talking to my husband, he reminded me that I had forgotten that she has lunch with the "friends" that we are trying to keep her away from.  So I'm trying to type out an e-mail to the vice principal (she said to e-mail her, or I would've gone into the school again). Problem is, I can't find the words to say.  I know what I want to say, but for some reason every thing I put down on paper sounds like I'm a blubbering idiot who has no idea what I'm talking about. 

Either I have to have my daughter give up a class I think she'll benefit from, or the school will have to give up a class they think she'll benefit from (not that I think she won't...just not my 1st choice to keep her in).  OR the other possibility is that my husband will have to drop her off and go get her twice in one day.  I don't really seeing that as a viable option.  Seriously, that's a little bit stupid. 

Why does life have to be so rough and difficult?  I mean, can't I just snap my fingers and it all be poof?  Can't I click my heels together and make it work?
I know that I could sit back and just be all "Whatever man, she's a kid, let her be a kid" and I know that is what some people do and think, however I can't just sit back and let my kid do things that will negatively impact the rest of her life.  If it was a short term fall, that would be different, I'm all about real world consequences, but this is something that could potentially follow her for the rest of her life.  I'm not going to sit back and just let her go. 

So, I will go, and try to sound as coherent as possible, because I want what's best for my daughter. 

uhgggg  /facepalm